I found love no matter what
I don't know the true meaning of love. 
Have you ever wondered if you have really loved or being loved? I always thought that I have loved but never really felt loved by someone,even for my parents. My parents were nice, Christian parents. But it seemed to me that I have to "earn" their love. I had to be good, have good grades at school, be active in church, do my chores, and when I would make a mistake I would feel undeserved of their love. The same was true when I began to date, I wouldn't feel loved by just being me.
And that was love I learned how to give. In order to love somebody he or she had to earn it somehow. I couldn't give my love to someone who hurts me. Then I wasn't able to love anyone because people always hurt.
I knew God. I thought I did. I knew God loved me. I thought I have to deserve to be loved by God. One day someone on TV said God loves us UNCONDITIONALLY. What means, He will love us no matter what.
This was kind of overwhelming at the moment. I could understand God loved me. He gave Jesus to die for me so I could go to heaven. But could He love me all the time? Once when I was twelve my father said he didn't like me because I was being mean. I was being rebel and I didn't think I deserve being loved anyways. But that hurt me badly. He was my father and I thought He was suppose to forgive me and love me. Then, growing up, I was always trying to deserve people's love. Many times I would fail and experience rejection through people's eyes, not only towards my mistakes but towards me.
I decided to spend some time away from home. Away from the pressure, away from the little town where everyone knew me. I wanted to be a stranger, I wanted to start again, meet new people, be someone new. My new me caused to sin against God and break the promise I had made when I was a little girl. I thought that was it. I knew God had to forgive me if I asked Him to, it is in the Bible, it is what He does, but I couldn't see how He could love me and want have a relationship with me after that anymore.
What happened though, is that I began to feel God closer and closer to me, like I was trying to avoid Him for the shame of my sin and Him offering His arms to embrace me. I can't explain you what was it. For one whole day after I break my promise with God, I felt like Him had turned His back on me. It was the worse feeling I have ever had. But was only one day. After that I just felt Him drawing me near to Him. I heard so much about His love, I learned about His grace, that is undeserved favor, we don't need to do anything to deserve it, God gives to us and Jesus is the one who paid the price, all we have to do is receive. I tried to turn away from Him, I drank, I gave myself to selfish men kind of love. And, for my surprise, God was still there telling me how much He loved me. He accepted me. No one had never accepted me just by being me. I was rejected almost all my life and I grew up insecure and full of fear. God knew that and He wanted to change it.
He never left me alone. My biggest fear was to be alone. In my moments of shame He was there to clean up my name. He wanted me to rise above, and show me the way out of frustration and depression. He loved me, and His love was so deep that I had to stop pretending it was not there. He rescued me from my fears. He kept reminding me He goes ahead of me to prepare the way, He causes people to see me the way He wants them to see me.
When I needed a new job and went to the interview, my boss just liked me so much I couldn't understand. I was literally running away from the other job, I was quitting the previous job with just a message written on a piece of paper. She had no reason to trust me, no references to check, she didn't know me but God went before me and prepared the way. He took my fears away gave courage to keep on going.
Today I am a new person. I am loved by God and I know that. He always reminds me how much He loves me and always will. When I am tempted to forget , He shows me His love is real. He is real. I will always make mistakes but He will always love me in spite of them. When we receive Jesus as the Son of God and our Savior, we receive the Holy Spirit, the Spirit of God Himself comes to live in us and through His Spirit He talks to us. I couldn't understand that. I didn't know how to hear God, but He is showing me that He talks through that still and smooth voice inside us that brings us peace. Peace is one of the best indicators that God is talking to you.
Never forget HE loves you no matter what.
"The Lord your God is in the midst of you, a Mighty One, a Savior [who saves]! He will rejoice over you with joy; He will rest [in silent satisfaction] and in His love He will be silent and make no mention [of past sins, or even recall them]; He will exult over you with singing." (Zephaniah 3:17)
"Do you ever wonder how much God really loves you? Zephaniah 3:17, in Hebrew, gives us the image that God literally "spins around" with joy over you and that He sings and shouts over you with joy! God has not only saved you from His wrath through Jesus, but He delights in you! Thanks God for His great love for you, and ask Him to help you understand the depths of His love for you even more fully.
Source: The Everyday Life Bible
Priscila Marin is the creator of http://www.loveaboveall.webs.com website and a born again Christian.
