On the eve of our 15th wedding anniversary, the Spirit moved me to create a list that bears snippets of wisdom I've gleaned over the years for what it takes to make a marriage successful. I decided the list should contain a precept for each year I'd been married.
1. Make Jesus Christ Lord and Savior: 2 Corinthians 6:14 counsels us to "not be yoked together with unbelievers" because the righteous and wicked cannot have anything in common. If both a man and woman are believers in Jesus, then they know whom they serve and how they should conduct themselves, and thus put Jesus Christ at the center of their marriage.
2. Pray (and "play") together: In Matthew 18:19-20, Jesus counsels us that "where two or three are gathered together in my name, I am there in the midst of them."
3. Get this now, D-I-V-O-R-C-E is not an option: How many times have you heard this statement from people: "Well, if it doesn't work out, I can always get a divorce." That's not right thinking; it's worldly thinking and it is not in God's plan as Jesus informed us in Mark 10:9.
4. Seek pre-marital/marital counseling
Weeks before I got married, Marilyn and I attended marriage counseling with the pastor of our church (again, we were both Christianssee precept #1). During one particularly rough spot in our marriage, we sought the help of a social worker. Sometimes it takes a mediator because we're too close to the issues.
5. Don't sweat the small stuff: I used to get this advice all the time from my captain when I was a firefighter. I've found it works particularly well in a marriage. In 1 Timothy 3, Paul says that both husbands and wives are to be "temperate." In other words, relax!
6. Be a good publicist for your spouse: Both Proverbs and 1 Peter contain passages that talk about what benefits the Godly wife and husband are to one another. Tout your spouse's talents and admirable qualities in public, and never ridicule them to another person.
7. Practice honesty, not deceit: Hiding inappropriate behavior from your spouse not only constitutes deceit (Satan's entire program is based in deceit) but remember that liars shall have their part in the Lake of Fire. Be truthful when speaking to your spouse. Men especially, as we may find ourselves acting some way in the workplace we would never act in front of our wives.
8. Learn to romance: Bring flowers and candy, men, and remember important dates like anniversaries and birthdays (and for goodness sake, don't forget Valentine's Day). Wives, praise your husbands for the things they do around the house, especially when they show consideration. Men like to be appreciated and noticed for what they do.
9. Do ye likewise: Treat your spouse as you want them to treat you. See Luke 6:31 for clarification.
10. Take "alone time": How many times have you heard this: "I'm too busy" or "Don't bother me right now" or "I'm too tired." This usually happens because we spend too much time wrapped up in the things of life: jobs; home; cars; taking the kids here, there and everywhere! Get away for a weekend retreat, go to a movie, have dinnerdo this as often as possible. You need that time for intimacy and adult conversation.
11. In all things, share: Don't withhold anything from one another (physically or materially). Next time you're munching on a candy bar, ask your spouse if he or she would like part of it. Men: when you decide to get up one morning and fry yourself some bacon and eggs, make breakfast for the Mrs., too. You just never know how she might thank you later.
12. Let the other disagree: Colossians 3:18 gives simple but profound advice to help us with this area of our marriage. It took me and Marilyn a long time to learn that when we stopped trying to force the other person to agree with our viewpoint, our disagreements became infrequent. We also found the things we often argued about were silly.
13. Take walks together: Not only is it good exercise, it stimulates conversation. This is especially fun for new parents to walk together while taking turns pushing the baby in the stroller.
14. Remember the little things: One thing in which Marilyn delights is when I bring her a single, long-stemmed red rose because it's what I gave her when she was in the hospital; this eventually led to our dating. And I always appreciate it when she remembers to thank me on Veterans' Day.
15. Don't withhold affection: Read 1 Corinthians 7:1-5, wives and husbands alike! Oh... and do it together!
Scriptural references:
II Corinthians 6:14
Matthew 18:19-20
Mark 10:9
I Timothy 3
Proverbs 12:4, 18:22
I Peter 2:25-3:2, 3:7
Luke 6:31
Colossians 3:18
I Corinthians 7:1-5
Jon Guenther is a published author of dozens of articles, as well as more than twenty novels in a variety of genres. You may learn more about his writing at www.jonguenther.com.
